Anorexia and bulimia regarding the family system

The causes of Anorexia and Bulimia are often on another (deeper) level as we usually think and experienc

Below follows a vision of Bert Hellinger (founder of family constellations) on eating disorders:

“If people with anorexia are improving, they sometimes get bulimia. That means: they eat and spit it back out. That is the inner conflict between leaving and staying. So if the goodbye of anorexia has not yet been completely successful then they eat. That means that they say inwardly: 'I stay'. Then they spit the food out again and that means: 'I am leaving'. The solution is that the child, when it wants to spit out her food again, says to the father: 'I stay and eat'.

In bulimia (eating and then vomiting) there are different dynamics. It may lead to bulimia for example if the mother says to her children: 'What comes from father is not right, you are not to take what comes from him'. Then the child takes from the mother and spits it back out to honour the father. This is one of the dynamics. This form of bulimia heals if the child takes from both parents and especially from the father.

Now it is often the case that anorexia turns into bulimia. Then there is another dynamic. Here anorexia means: 'I want to die' and eating means here: 'I want to live'. If the bulimia patient eats, she says: 'I want to live'. If she vomits the food, she says: 'I want to die'. Vomiting is a continuation of the anorexia then. Here the solution for the patient with bulimia is that she says: 'I stay'. Like that, very humble. And that the parents, for example her father, says to her: 'I stay'.

Eating and Fasting

Eating means, I stay. Fasting means, I leave. Some people eat more than they need, because they are afraid that they have to leave. If they want to eat more then, they can inwardly say: 'I remain'. Then they might eat only as much as they need.

Sometimes eating lots of food comes instead of taking a person, for example the rejected mother or a deceased brother of sister who was forgotten in the family. When someone takes the rejected or forgotten person in his heart, the longing for lots of food comes to an end.

Food Addiction

Participant of a group of Bert Hellinger: “I want to say something about food addictional because I used to have this in the past. I would like to say it to the other women with food addiction here. I once read in a book that it can help to imagine that your father takes you on his lap and feeds you. My father has never done that with me and then I thought: 'I would love it so much to have a father on whose lap I am allowed to sit and who feeds me'. I did it then and it has benefitted me so much. Now I don't have a food addiction any more.

When I tell this to other people with a food addiction in self-help groups, they say that this is not possible, because who once is addicted, is addicted forever. But I know that for hears now already, I don't have a food addiction any more. It is not a problem any more for me. It is just beautiful that someone has given me that advice. Imagine, you sit on your father's lap at dinner - everyone is present - and he feeds you.” “

Bert Hellinger, translated by me (Modita van Zummeren) from the Dutch book: 'De Wijsheid is voortdurend onderweg'